Updated: Sep 30, 2020
Welcome back to my blog Bflies. I hope everyone is Blessed and Prospering in their lives thus far, even during times of a global pandemic. Always remember Tough time never last. Only tough people last ok :)
In Part one of Breaking Down Sexual Violence I outlined the issues of pressure surrounding sexual abuse towards young people. At the end of the article I also outlined the different parts of the sexual violence spectrum and asked you to remember these phrases:
Multiple types of sexual violence makes it harder for certain people to identify when they may be overstepping the mark. It also makes it harder for victims to identify when a perpetrator is also breaking boundaries and crossing over from acquaintance to abuser.
As horrible as Sexual harassment is, it unfortunately happens too frequently for it to be seen as a criminal act. 100% of women and at least 75% of men have experienced some sort of public sexual harassment, so it is much harder for it to be seen as a criminal act until it becomes a consistent act of coercion, unwanted attention, kissing and touching in a professional situation or environment.
The longterm emotional effects to the victim as a result of sexual harassment can result in the predators prosecution & therefore no one should ever take this type of harassment lightly.
Only 2% of women in the UK report public sexual harassment
Advice and support on sexual harassment :
Equality and Advisory Support Service: 0808 800 0082
In a stereotypical Employee/Employer scenario where an Employer deliberately uses their power to coerce their employee to perform sexual acts or forces sexual acts upon them and decides to (for example) fire or mistreat the employee as a result of rejection. This is sexual harassment.
Being subjected to sexual jokes or propositions is a form of Sexual Harassment. Please do not hesitate to tell these grimy people about themselves and let them know what they are doing is a form of Sexual Violence! I bet they'll shut up then.
Sexual harassment could also occur to consumers, through a service provider using their services as a gateway to inappropriate behaviour with consumers.
For example, About 3 or 4 Black girls came forward during the summer time, alleging that they had been sexually assaulted and harassed by nurses in a Turkish 'Clinic Hub' during the course of their Brazilian Butt Lift surgery, while they were under medication and unable to respond to the assault.
This is a prime example of how an abuser can use their job role to sexual harass, assault and exploit people.
I am not saying that all 'Clinic Hubs' are the only type of occupations where sexual harassment is likely, however it is a well known fact that abusers hide in plain sight.
This allows harassers to take advantage of their role, using their clientele as a predatory playground. An abuser may end up giving you unprofessional services as a result of you rejecting their unnecessary sexual advances, they may belittle your value as a customer, call you sexually suggestive/condescending names such as 'girl' or 'little lady', 'young man' or 'young lady'.
These are all signs of a superiority complex that is imbedded in all abusers, removing their ability to see value in their prey and this is the basis of scenarios leading to sexual harassment.
Sexual abuse is sexual behaviour or a sexual act forced upon a woman, man or child without their consent. Sexual abuse includes abuse of a woman, man or child by a man, woman or child.
If someone forces, manipulates or coerces you into sexual behaviour, this is Sexual Abuse.
Sexual abuse is done purposely to humiliate the victim as a way for the penetrator to feel superior. They may do this through contact or non contact acts:
Contact acts include:
-Rape, which is the act of vaginal/anal/ oral/penetration without consent
-Sexual touching, clothed or not
-Forcing someone to participate in sexual activities
-Forcing someone do undress/ touch someone else.
Non contact acts include:
-Exposing themselves to the victim over phone
-Showing unwanted pornography
-Exposing a child to sexual acts
-Making them masturbate
-Forcing a child to make, view or share child abuse images or videos
-Making, viewing or distributing child abuse images or videos
forcing a child to take part in sexual activities or conversations online or through a smartphone.
These are all acts of humiliation. against someones will, and therefore INHUMANE, There is no scale of measurement for sexual abuse, so therefore there are NO SMALL ACTS. & it is ALWAYS wrong.
NSPCC statistics show that 1 in 20 children in the UK have been abused. Using focus groups out of 2,275 young people aged 11-17.
As well as this, the vast majority of children who experience sexual abuse were abused by someone they knew.
But what we must remember is that for every child that reports sexual abuse there are at least 4 others that have kept silent. We can never know the real statistics but we can assume that there are plenty of victims that have kept silent all the way up until adulthood.
Sexual abuse can lead to child grooming and sexual exploitation. (links to information pages)
Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline for if you feel you or someone you know have been in any of these type of situations. Please do not hesitate to seek advice/help.
0808 802 1414 - 24 hours a day all year.
The difference between Sexual Assault and Sexual Abuse:
Sexual assault has been used interchangeably with Rape, especially during the conversations of the #METOO movement, however the difference is that sexual assault also includes unwanted sexual acts such as touching and kissing towards an adult, whereas sexual abuse are to describe acts towards children. But the basis of unwanted actions are the same.
Drug induced Sexual Violence
Known as 'Drug Facilitated Sexual Assault'
There is always going to be a percentage of survivors that were assaulted while under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol, unconscious and therefore incapable of giving consent.
If you feel you have been Date Raped, or spiked while you were already under the influence. Please look out for these signs:
- Scars or bruising around the thighs/arms
- Any other weird scaring around the body including face
- Body pains, muscle pains
- Bleeding from your Anus/Vagina
- Symptoms of any STDs
The first thing you should do is keep your clothes, and report the incident to the police, whether you remember the night or not, as your body will contain the evidence for them to find the culprit and prosecute them.
As a young adult, what I have realised is either people are just ignorant or they decide to deliberately turn their heads when they can see a line has been or is being crossed.
If you see a guy take a girl upstairs in a party, or guy take a guy, or a girl take a guy and you think one counterpart is not in their right mind, Intervene.
If you're at the club and you think a strangers drink has been played with. Intervene.
If you see a suspicious driver put a drunk girl in the back of his car at the end of the night, INTERVENE! Because. You. Just. Never. Know.
Just because both parties are 'drunk' does not mean we should not intervene when we feel one or both counterparts are being taken advantage of in this type of scenario. You never know what that person did to get their counterpart in that state.
We should always be protective of the vulnerable, whether it is our business or not.
The abuser counts on the person not remembering their night in order to get away with what they have done, that's why witnesses are important. please keep your eyes peeled, even on a night out. You never know who you could save that night.
Adult Survivors of Child Abuse helpline - 01708 765200
Some survivors never speak about about what happened to them as a child, they may have their own methods for numbing the pain of their past. That is why it is important for us all to be extra sensitive in order to capture certain signs, because you never know who could be a survivor.
Some people numb their pain, some people try and deflect it and ignore it, while some let it manifest and turn them into abusers also...
My point is everyone is different.
The one constant is that survivors all had their innocence taken from them at a young age, which can result in:
-Suicidal thoughts and acts
-Struggles to keep long term friendships and relationships
-They may become emotionally unavailable
-Abuse Drubs and/or Alcohol
-Depression and Anxiety
-Get into abusive relationships
-Have a low sense of self importance and low self esteem
-Trouble with communication
So please if any of the people around you show any or multiple of these signs, just know there is some type of trauma they are working through that you should be sensitive to.
Empathy is the key.
Sexual assault in close relationships is probably the most hardest to spot. Unless the victim comes forward to report the assault.
Relationship or no relationship, consent is consent, and if someone is raped by their counterpart, then this is Domestic Abuse as well as Sexual Assault.
Rape in a relationship is an indication that the victims body belongs to the abuser, is a form of human slavery, sex trafficking and exploitation. But because they are in a relationship, we wouldn't think that this is the case. But for me personally it's not even a debate.
Domestic abusers have the highest level of manipulation skills, they are narcissists with God complex's, and they will always reduce their victims self worth through a slow process of belittlement, verbal, physical and mental abuse.
If we are looking at this realistically, someone who is deep in love with their abusive counterpart will not want to get them prosecuted because of acts that are normal within a relationship. ESPECIALLY if they have children.
This is how a victim can easily become an enabler of the abuser, especially if they have already been isolated from people who could help them such as family and friends.
Sexual assault in a relationship will always show other signs of domestic abuse, which I will explain in my coverage of domestic abuse in due time, this a topic that NEEDS to be covered especially as we approach a second national lockdown. Because. Abusers. Kill.
Domestic abuse helpline 0808 802 1414 24 HOURS A DAY!!!