A wise man once said.  'Tough time never last. Only tough people last'

 

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One thing I have realised is that some people lack understanding of different layers to sexual violence.

 


Multiple types of sexual violence makes it harder for certain people to identify when they may be overstepping the mark. It also makes it harder for victims to identify when a perpetrator is also breaking boundaries and crossing over from acquaintance to abuser.



Sexual Harassment


As horrible as Sexual harassment is, it unfortunately happens too frequently for it to be seen as a criminal act. 100% of women and at least 75% of men have experienced some sort of public sexual harassment, so it is much harder for it to be seen as a criminal act until it becomes a consistent act of coercion, unwanted attention, kissing and touching in a professional situation or environment.


The longterm emotional effects to the victim as a result of sexual harassment can result in the predators prosecution & therefore no one should ever take this type of harassment lightly.


Only 2% of women in the UK report public sexual harassment

Advice and support on sexual harassment :

Equality and Advisory Support Service: 0808 800 0082

equalityhumanrights.com


In a stereotypical Employee/Employer scenario where an Employer deliberately uses their power to coerce their employee to perform sexual acts or forces sexual acts upon them and decides to (for example) fire or mistreat the employee as a result of rejection. This is sexual harassment.


Being subjected to sexual jokes or propositions is a form of Sexual Harassment. Please do not hesitate to tell these grimy people about themselves and let them know what they are doing is a form of Sexual Violence! I bet they'll shut up then.


Sexual harassment could also occur to consumers, through a service provider using their services as a gateway to inappropriate behaviour with consumers.


For example, About 3 or 4 Black girls came forward during the summer time, alleging that they had been sexually assaulted and harassed by nurses in a Turkish 'Clinic Hub' during the course of their Brazilian Butt Lift surgery, while they were under medication and unable to respond to the assault.


This is a prime example of how an abuser can use their job role to sexual harass, assault and exploit people.


I am not saying that all 'Clinic Hubs' are the only type of occupations where sexual harassment is likely, however it is a well known fact that abusers hide in plain sight.

This allows harassers to take advantage of their role, using their clientele as a predatory playground. An abuser may end up giving you unprofessional services as a result of you rejecting their unnecessary sexual advances, they may belittle your value as a customer, call you sexually suggestive/condescending names such as 'girl' or 'little lady', 'young man' or 'young lady'.


These are all signs of a superiority complex that is imbedded in all abusers, removing their ability to see value in their prey and this is the basis of scenarios leading to sexual harassment.


CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT HOW CALLING GROWN WOMEN 'GIRLS' IS SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE.




Sexual Abuse.


Sexual abuse is sexual behaviour or a sexual act forced upon a woman, man or child without their consent. Sexual abuse includes abuse of a woman, man or child by a man, woman or child.


If someone forces, manipulates or coerces you into sexual behaviour, this is Sexual Abuse.

Sexual abuse is done purposely to humiliate the victim as a way for the penetrator to feel superior. They may do this through contact or non contact acts:


Contact acts include:


-Rape, which is the act of vaginal/anal/ oral/penetration without consent

-Sexual touching, clothed or not

-Forcing someone to participate in sexual activities

-Forcing someone do undress/ touch someone else.


Non contact acts include:


-Exposing themselves to the victim over phone

-Showing unwanted pornography

-Exposing a child to sexual acts

-Making them masturbate

-Forcing a child to make, view or share child abuse images or videos

-Making, viewing or distributing child abuse images or videos

forcing a child to take part in sexual activities or conversations online or through a smartphone.

These are all acts of humiliation. against someones will, and therefore INHUMANE, There is no scale of measurement for sexual abuse, so therefore there are NO SMALL ACTS. & it is ALWAYS wrong.

NSPCC statistics show that 1 in 20 children in the UK have been abused. Using focus groups out of 2,275 young people aged 11-17.


As well as this, the vast majority of children who experience sexual abuse were abused by someone they knew.


But what we must remember is that for every child that reports sexual abuse there are at least 4 others that have kept silent. We can never know the real statistics but we can assume that there are plenty of victims that have kept silent all the way up until adulthood.


Sexual abuse can lead to child grooming and sexual exploitation. (links to information pages)

Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline for if you feel you or someone you know have been in any of these type of situations. Please do not hesitate to seek advice/help.

0808 802 1414 - 24 hours a day all year.


The difference between Sexual Assault and Sexual Abuse:


Sexual assault has been used interchangeably with Rape, especially during the conversations of the #METOO movement, however the difference is that sexual assault also includes unwanted sexual acts such as touching and kissing towards an adult, whereas sexual abuse are to describe acts towards children. But the basis of unwanted actions are the same.



Drug induced Sexual Violence


Known as 'Drug Facilitated Sexual Assault'

There is always going to be a percentage of survivors that were assaulted while under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol, unconscious and therefore incapable of giving consent.


If you feel you have been Date Raped, or spiked while you were already under the influence. Please look out for these signs:


- Scars or bruising around the thighs/arms

- Any other weird scaring around the body including face

- Body pains, muscle pains

- Bleeding from your Anus/Vagina

- Headaches

- Symptoms of any STDs


The first thing you should do is keep your clothes, and report the incident to the police, whether you remember the night or not, as your body will contain the evidence for them to find the culprit and prosecute them.


As a young adult, what I have realised is either people are just ignorant or they decide to deliberately turn their heads when they can see a line has been or is being crossed.

If you see a guy take a girl upstairs in a party, or guy take a guy, or a girl take a guy and you think one counterpart is not in their right mind, Intervene.

If you're at the club and you think a strangers drink has been played with. Intervene.

If you see a suspicious driver put a drunk girl in the back of his car at the end of the night, INTERVENE! Because. You. Just. Never. Know.

Just because both parties are 'drunk' does not mean we should not intervene when we feel one or both counterparts are being taken advantage of in this type of scenario. You never know what that person did to get their counterpart in that state.


We should always be protective of the vulnerable, whether it is our business or not.


The abuser counts on the person not remembering their night in order to get away with what they have done, that's why witnesses are important. please keep your eyes peeled, even on a night out. You never know who you could save that night.



Child abuse


Adult Survivors of Child Abuse helpline - 01708 765200


Some survivors never speak about about what happened to them as a child, they may have their own methods for numbing the pain of their past. That is why it is important for us all to be extra sensitive in order to capture certain signs, because you never know who could be a survivor.


Some people numb their pain, some people try and deflect it and ignore it, while some let it manifest and turn them into abusers also...


My point is everyone is different.


The one constant is that survivors all had their innocence taken from them at a young age, which can result in:


-Suicidal thoughts and acts

-Trust issues.

-Struggles to keep long term friendships and relationships

-They may become emotionally unavailable

-Abuse Drubs and/or Alcohol

-Eating disorders

-Depression and Anxiety

-Get into abusive relationships

-Have a low sense of self importance and low self esteem

-Mood Swings

-Trouble with communication


So please if any of the people around you show any or multiple of these signs, just know there is some type of trauma they are working through that you should be sensitive to.


Empathy is the key.



Domestic Abuse


Sexual assault in close relationships is probably the most hardest to spot. Unless the victim comes forward to report the assault.


Relationship or no relationship, consent is consent, and if someone is raped by their counterpart, then this is Domestic Abuse as well as Sexual Assault.


Rape in a relationship is an indication that the victims body belongs to the abuser, is a form of human slavery, sex trafficking and exploitation. But because they are in a relationship, we wouldn't think that this is the case. But for me personally it's not even a debate.


Domestic abusers have the highest level of manipulation skills, they are narcissists with God complex's, and they will always reduce their victims self worth through a slow process of belittlement, verbal, physical and mental abuse.


If we are looking at this realistically, someone who is deep in love with their abusive counterpart will not want to get them prosecuted because of acts that are normal within a relationship. ESPECIALLY if they have children.


This is how a victim can easily become an enabler of the abuser, especially if they have already been isolated from people who could help them such as family and friends.


Sexual assault in a relationship will always show other signs of domestic abuse, which I will explain in my coverage of domestic abuse in due time, this a topic that NEEDS to be covered especially as we approach a second national lockdown. Because. Abusers. Kill.


Domestic abuse helpline 0808 802 1414 24 HOURS A DAY!!!

 

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I'm going to start with this. THERE ARE NO GREY AREAS WHEN IT COMES TO SEXUAL VIOLENCE.

I've really tried my best to mind my business on particular topics, especially as they form into trending topics on twitter and other socials.

However, as amazing as the awareness is, it can also be bittersweet as social media can be a bit of a playground of ignorance for some of the current discussion on sexual assault/ violence, which can just result in the conversations becoming bottomless and unsolved in some cases.


One thing I have realised is that a lot of people fail to understand just how broad sexual violence is, and how it can be manipulated and twisted into many different forms.

That is why it can become so easy for perpetrators to deny their actions because they, themselves have failed to understand just how serious their actions are.


Young people


One of the most important but underestimated foundations for understanding sexual assault on young people is pressure.


In order to understand how a child is manipulated into sexual relationships with older men/women, or even boys/girls within their age groups, it is imperative that we understand how much of impact pressure and impressionability can have on a young persons mind.


We need to understand how much of an influence pressure can have in the moments leading up to an assault, in order to understand how young people end up in situations where they are exposed to sexual assault and / or violence.


We need to understand the different circumstances in which a young person may be raised in, for example:


-Their relationship with authority figures, (if they have nurtured or manipulated by them)


-Sexual abuse in the past.


-Neglect from parents and/or isolation from extended family members


-Bullying in school




All these factors (as well as others) play a part to how vulnerable a child is as well as their level of emotional intelligence.


As well as this, these indicators influence the likeliness of a young person seeking for help/ trusting others. This is sadly something an experienced abuser can pick up on from just a few conversations with the young person.


An abuser will have the mental awareness to see exactly how much pressure needs to be applied before they can make the victim their puppet. It's a trial and error type of experiment for the abuser as they measure how much manipulation needs to be done in order for the child to feel immense amounts of pressure.


But before all this, the abuser has somehow gained the young persons trust. They have read the young person and has seen exactly what they need to do in order to become the 'trustworthy' authority figure, so that by the time they are ready to exploit the young person the victim feels they have no choice but to follow the authority figure. This is something that could take the abuser any amount of timeframe from months to years.


An abuser getting a young person to follow them through the actions of manipulation and applying pressure can never be a consensual act.


Abusers of young people are only allowing the victim to make decisions based on distorted/fake truths that THEY have presented. In order to cause deliberate isolation, removing the young persons trust from the world, and placing the trust into the hands of their abuser...


The ability to blame the victim for any sexual crime shouldn't be possible or humane. But unfortunately the world we live in is not fair. So we have to educate our fellow people instead and hope for the best.


In the UK as a society our education system has not prepared us to understand where different acts fall on the sexual assault spectrum and there is a lack of easily accessible support when it comes to sexual health for young people, and this is why the misinformation and reduced access to sexual clinics has caused young people to simply deal with sexual assault by themselves. These issues also affect our ability, as a society, to properly defend victims as a large majority of people are unaware that sexual assault goes right down 'invisible actions' or non contact acts, verbal assault and coercion. Further education about sexual assault can also help perpetrators understand when they are crossing lines and boundaries, as unfortunately some of us are are an extension of a backwards culture, where men are are viewed as sexually empowered beings, and therefore they are taught to believe that uncontrollable bit of their sexual being is 'in their nature as a man' and therefore this culture or way of thinking can prevent a young boy from teaching himself to control his sexual urges.


However this does not excuse the ability for young / adult women to also become perpetrators of sexual exploitation.


Everything in life comes down to your upbringing your environment, and events in your life that shape how you view people and situations.


These factors can affect a victims ability to properly confront his or her perpetrator, as in most situations there may be no clear understanding of what exactly has been done to them. They may be gaslighted, or forced to downplay their abuse. This could be due to to many different factors such as manipulation from the perpetrator to make the victim believe that what is happening to them is normal, or accepted. Another reason could be isolation from the outside world in situations of domestic sexual violence, or child sexual abuse. Which I explained in more detail above, but it still doesn't even touch the real life possibilities.


This type of manipulation can result in a victim ignoring what has happened to them, resulting in them depreciating the seriousness of the assault and therefore, never seeking help.


For example,(relating to picture displayed below):


During lockdown a young female came forward to expose an 'Instagram influencer' for putting his hand on her breast without consent. The response by the influencer was that she consented to the picture. For someone to go out of their way to place their hand on the breast of an underage supporter, this is clearly sexual assauIt. Though situations like this can leave young victims confused and unaware that this is something that needs to be taken to higher authorities because of how often we can confuse and associate sexual assault with extreme acts of violence, and there may be pressure to conserve the reputations of perpetrators especially if they are some type of role model/ or influential figure in the victims life.


What we sometimes seem to forget is that there is a large spectrum to sexual violence that needs to be addressed.


Below are the different points on the spectrum of sexual assault:


I will do another blog breaking down sexual violence in fuller detail. however please remember these titles in the mean time:


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Always remember Tough time never last. Only tough people last ok :)

In Part one of Breaking Down Sexual Violence I outlined the issues of pressure surrounding sexual abuse towards young people. At the end of the article I also outlined the different parts of the sexual violence spectrum and asked you to remember these phrases:



Sexual harassment

Sexual abuse

Sexual assault

Drug induced

Child abuse

Domestic abuse


Multiple types of sexual violence makes it harder for certain people to identify when they may be overstepping the mark. It also makes it harder for victims to identify when a perpetrator is also breaking boundaries and crossing over from acquaintance to abuser.


Sexual Harassment 


As horrible as Sexual harassment is, it unfortunately happens too frequently for it to be seen as a criminal act. 100% of women and at least 75% of men have experienced some sort of public sexual harassment, so it is much harder for it to be seen as a criminal act until it becomes a consistent act of coercion, unwanted attention, kissing and touching in a professional situation or environment. 


The longterm emotional effects to the victim as a result of sexual harassment can result in the predators prosecution & therefore no one should ever take this type of harassment lightly. 


Only 2% of women in the UK report public sexual harassment 

Advice and support on sexual harassment :

Equality and Advisory Support Service: 0808 800 0082

equalityhumanrights.com


In a stereotypical Employee/Employer scenario where an Employer deliberately uses their power to coerce their employee to perform sexual acts or forces sexual acts upon them and decides to (for example) fire or mistreat the employee as a result of rejection. This is sexual harassment. 


Being subjected to sexual jokes or propositions is a form of Sexual Harassment. Please do not hesitate to tell these grimy people about themselves and let them know what they are doing is a form of Sexual Violence! I bet they'll shut up then.


Sexual harassment could also occur to consumers, through a service provider using their services as a gateway to inappropriate behaviour with consumers. 


For example, About 3 or 4 Black girls came forward during the summer time, alleging that they had been sexually assaulted and harassed by nurses in a Turkish 'Clinic Hub' during the course of their Brazilian Butt Lift surgery, while they were under medication and unable to respond to the assault. 


This is a prime example of how an abuser can use their job role to sexual harass, assault and exploit people. 


I am not saying that all 'Clinic Hubs' are the only type of occupations where sexual harassment is likely, however it is a well known fact that abusers hide in plain sight.

This allows harassers to take advantage of their role, using their clientele as a predatory playground. An abuser may end up giving you unprofessional services as a result of you rejecting their unnecessary sexual advances, they may belittle your value as a customer, call you sexually suggestive/condescending names such as 'girl' or 'little lady', 'young man' or 'young lady'. 


These are all signs of a superiority complex that is imbedded in all abusers, removing their ability to see value in their prey and this is the basis of scenarios leading to sexual harassment.


CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT HOW CALLING GROWN WOMEN 'GIRLS' IS SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE.



Sexual Abuse.


Sexual abuse is sexual behaviour or a sexual act forced upon a woman, man or child without their consent. Sexual abuse includes abuse of a woman, man or child by a man, woman or child.


If someone forces, manipulates or coerces you into sexual behaviour, this is Sexual Abuse.

Sexual abuse is done purposely to humiliate the victim as a way for the penetrator to feel superior. They may do this through contact or non contact acts:


Contact acts include:


-Rape, which is the act of vaginal/anal/ oral/penetration without consent

-Sexual touching, clothed or not

-Forcing someone to participate in sexual activities

-Forcing someone do undress/ touch someone else.


Non contact acts include:


-Exposing themselves to the victim over phone

-Showing unwanted pornography

-Exposing a child to sexual acts

-Making them masturbate

-Forcing a child to make, view or share child abuse images or videos

-Making, viewing or distributing child abuse images or videos

forcing a child to take part in sexual activities or conversations online or through a smartphone.

These are all acts of humiliation. against someones will, and therefore INHUMANE, There is no scale of measurement for sexual abuse, so therefore there are NO SMALL ACTS. & it is ALWAYS wrong.

NSPCC statistics show that 1 in 20 children in the UK have been abused. Using focus groups out of 2,275 young people aged 11-17. 


As well as this, the vast majority of children who experience sexual abuse were abused by someone they knew. 


But what we must remember is that for every child that reports sexual abuse there are at least 4 others that have kept silent. We can never know the real statistics but we can assume that there are plenty of victims that have kept silent all the way up until adulthood. 


Sexual abuse can lead to child grooming and sexual exploitation. (links to information pages)

Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline for if you feel you or someone you know have been in any of these type of situations. Please do not hesitate to seek advice/help.

0808 802 1414 - 24 hours a day all year.


The difference between Sexual Assault and Sexual Abuse:


Sexual assault has been used interchangeably with Rape, especially during the conversations of the #METOO movement, however the difference is that sexual assault also includes unwanted sexual acts such as touching and kissing towards an adult, whereas sexual abuse are to describe acts towards children. But the basis of unwanted actions are the same. 


Drug induced Sexual Violence 


Known as 'Drug Facilitated Sexual Assault'

There is always going to be a percentage of survivors that were assaulted while under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol, unconscious and therefore incapable of giving consent.


If you feel you have been Date Raped, or spiked while you were already under the influence. Please look out for these signs:


- Scars or bruising around the thighs/arms

- Any other weird scaring around the body including face

- Body pains, muscle pains

- Bleeding from your Anus/Vagina

- Headaches 

- Symptoms of any STDs


The first thing you should do is keep your clothes, and report the incident to the police, whether you remember the night or not, as your body will contain the evidence for them to find the culprit and prosecute them.


As a young adult, what I have realised is either people are just ignorant or they decide to deliberately turn their heads when they can see a line has been or is being crossed.

If you see a guy take a girl upstairs in a party, or guy take a guy, or a girl take a guy and you think one counterpart is not in their right mind, Intervene.

If you're at the club and you think a strangers drink has been played with. Intervene.

If you see a suspicious driver put a drunk girl in the back of his car at the end of the night, INTERVENE! Because. You. Just. Never. Know.

Just because both parties are 'drunk' does not mean we should not intervene when we feel one or both counterparts are being taken advantage of in this type of scenario. You never know what that person did to get their counterpart in that state. 


We should always be protective of the vulnerable, whether it is our business or not.


The abuser counts on the person not remembering their night in order to get away with what they have done, that's why witnesses are important. please keep your eyes peeled, even on a night out. You never know who you could save that night. 


Child abuse


Adult Survivors of Child Abuse helpline -  01708 765200


Some survivors never speak about about what happened to them as a child, they may have their own methods for numbing the pain of their past. That is why it is important for us all to be extra sensitive in order to capture certain signs, because you never know who could be a survivor. 


Some people numb their pain, some people try and deflect it and ignore it, while some let it manifest and turn them into abusers also... 


My point is everyone is different.


The one constant is that survivors all had their innocence taken from them at a young age, which can result in:


-Suicidal thoughts and acts 

-Trust issues. 

-Struggles to keep long term friendships and relationships

-They may become emotionally unavailable 

-Abuse Drubs and/or Alcohol

-Eating disorders 

-Depression and Anxiety 

-Get into abusive relationships 

-Have a low sense of self importance and low self esteem

-Mood Swings 

-Trouble with communication


So please if any of the people around you show any or multiple of these signs, just know there is some type of trauma they are working through that you should be sensitive to. 


Empathy is the key. 


Domestic Abuse 


Sexual assault in close relationships is probably the most hardest to spot. Unless the victim comes forward to report the assault.


Relationship or no relationship, consent is consent, and if someone is raped by their counterpart, then this is Domestic Abuse as well as Sexual Assault.


Rape in a relationship is an indication that the victims body belongs to the abuser, is a form of human slavery, sex trafficking and exploitation. But because they are in a relationship, we wouldn't think that this is the case. But for me personally it's not even a debate. 


Domestic abusers have the highest level of manipulation skills, they are narcissists with God complex's, and they will always reduce their victims self worth through a slow process of belittlement, verbal, physical and mental abuse. 


If we are looking at this realistically, someone who is deep in love with their abusive counterpart will not want to get them prosecuted because of acts that are normal within a relationship. ESPECIALLY if they have children. 


This is how a victim can easily become an enabler of the abuser, especially if they have already been isolated from people who could help them such as family and friends. 


Sexual assault in a relationship will always show other signs of domestic abuse, which I will explain in my coverage of domestic abuse in due time, this a topic that NEEDS to be covered especially as we approach a second national lockdown. Because. Abusers. Kill.


Domestic abuse helpline 0808 802 1414  24 HOURS A DAY!!!

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